Dueling Toilets: Phase II—In Which Doris Gets Her Oats
Okay, a couple of weeks ago, I went to what was reportedly the best public bathroom and the worst public bathroom in New York City. It got a lot of response and people have told me about other bathrooms I should check out, so I thought I’d try this “Dueling Toilets” thing one more time. Goggla told me that the best public restroom she had ever been to was at Tiffany’s on Fifth Avenue. And several people mentioned the Washington Square Park as being a pretty tacky toilet scene. And so, we’re off on another toilet tour. Oh, and just a warning, if you’re eating lunch or dinner while reading this, you might want to finish it first and then come back, it gets a little gruesome at the end.
I had to kneel down in the first lane of Fifth Avenue to get this shot of Tiffany's and the people in the right of this photo are looking at me like I'm nuts. Hey, I get hit by a speeding cab, I figure it'll really make this blog post interesting!
I've never been inside of Tiffany's before, pretty fancy in here.
I don't think I can afford anything in this case, so let's just move on to our bathroom duties.
Here's the elevator bank, Goggla told me the bathroom's are on the sixth floor. Going up!
There's a little waiting area with fresh flowers and comfortable chairs up here. I think I see the bathroom sign over there.
Yep, here we go, so to speak!
Here's the Men's Room, that's a nice solid wooden door there. I think it's a sign of good toilet times ahead!
And it opens up to a sparkling marble hallway, very impressive!
The urinals are off to the left and they are spotless.
And instead of bathroom stalls with toilets, they have a separate room you go into, let's check this out.
Wow, it's a large marble room with a spotless toilet, very nice indeed!
The sinks are marble and shiny, just like the rest of this bathroom. I think this one surpasses Bryant Park and I declare it the finest public bathroom in New York City! Thanks to Goggla for this toilet tip!
For those about to use Tiffany's public bathroom, I salute you with an obligatory bathroom mirror shot!
Okay, through the miracle of the internet, we're suddenly downtown at the iconic archway in front of Washington Square Park.
Lots of people around the exterior of the center pit of the park and there's a few kids playing inside of it.
Here's a jazz trio playing some tunes for people in the park.
And here's someone just hanging around in the park.
This fellow was looking for someone to play chess with, but sadly I don't know how to play chess. And besides, we need to find the bathroom in the park, we're on duty here!
I think this is the place.
It looks like we've found the Men's Room. If the sign is any indication, I don't have high hopes.
Here's the urinal section, which isn't in too bad of shape, but what I can't capture is the creepiness factor in here. Guys keep coming in and just kind of wander around. Most of them look homeless and/or psycho and even I'm not going to try to snap a photo of them. It feels like a bathroom version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest in here. I think the stalls are behind here, let's check them out and get the fuck out of here while we can.
Well, if you have to sit down to do your business in here, I hope you're an exhibitionist because there's no stalls for privacy. it's pretty filthy in here too.
Okay, this is just disgusting. Sorry about this, but it's just part of the job!
Aaaahhhh!
Tiffany’s Men’s Room Overall Ratings:
Smell—A faint hint of flower-fresh room deodorizer.
Ambiance—Elegant, the floors and walls are all sparking light marble and the doors are made of heavy, dark wood.
Force of the flush—Very forceful, no need to double flush here!
Hand washing facilities—Bright, clean marble sinks and hand towels on the shelf above them.
TWM Toilet Rating: Four out of four Ty-D-Bol Men.
Summation: You can have your “Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” I’ll gladly take the bathroom at Tiffany’s!
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Washington Square Park Men’s Room Overall Ratings:
Smell—Not as bad as you would think, but that’s probably due to the open door.
Ambiance—Creepy, kind of what I imagine the Kings Highway Cinema bathroom is like.
Force of the flush—I'm not sure, I didn’t feel like becoming one with a whole host of germ cells, I didn’t touch anything in there.
Hand washing facilities—Dirty and falling apart.
TWM Toilet Rating: One out of four Ty-D-Bol Men
Summation: The toilet area in a seedy holding tank at a county jail meets a homeless shelter with a very frugal budget.
Further Reading: NY Restroom, boing boing and treehugger.
Surprise link, click on it...I dare you!
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Bonus Album Cover From Tiki Bar Susie!
Tiki Bar Susie sent in this album cover with the title of "Party With Marty!" Too funny, thanks Tiki Bar Susie!
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Bonus Toilet Link and Photo From The Duncester!
The Duncester just sent in this toilet link of toilets around the world and this photo from the link that somewhat mirrors the toilet situation at Washington Square Park. Thanks, Duncester!
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Bonus Jonathan Frid Tribute by Jaws!
Jaws the Cabbie just sent in this tribute cartoon of Dark Shadows star Jonathan Frid who recently passed away. Great work, Jaws, thanks!
Public Toilets, Tiffany's, Washington Square Park Posted on Thursday, April 19, 2012 at 9:45AM
Reader Comments (27)
It is always crucial to have a few safe bathrooms around the city especially when you've got to drop bombs and your out and around. Sadly, my knowledge of safe NYC bathrooms is lacking, but if you ever need recommendations on safe bathrooms in Boston, my knowledge is rife.
Also, another good pissing song is "Piss up a Rope" by Ween.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7M3EEHYkJ0
To Bad Tiffany s didn't have marble toilets with mother of pearl seats. It changed allot since the 80's, that is the only time I ever went in, & just to see it, everything was way out of my price range!
Did You Ever See or heard about there Christmas Window Display of Homeless People. They sometimes do very controversial window display.
Washington Sq, typical City toilets !!! Except Bryant Park, wonder why?
I wonder if the Path Train at World Trade Center was rebuild, that was a very clean Toilet, RIP.
You should go & see if they did, & see if NJ Public toilets are any better, since you can't even drink or eat on the path train!!!
another classic post! what a service your doing for nyc!! love the shot of the people looking at you in tiffanys! you should make this a regular feature here at twm!!
This series will not be complete until we get a bathroom mirror cameo appearance from George Michael.
Kudos to Tiki Bar Susie ... what a perfectly fitting album cover :)
@randall: When I go to Boston, I'll check in with you for sure! Thanks for that Ween link, it's perfect!
@JHwang: I didn't see that window display. Next time I take the Path Train I'll try and get out and check that bathroom out, thanks for the tip!
@Bobby D: The words, "regular feature" are pretty appropriate considering the subject matter!
@roadsidewonders: Ha ha ha! Wham, bam, thank you maam! I loved that album cover too, wish I was that Marty!
Wait till my next book comes out "Bathroom Trysts," then you'll see. It takes place in the 1960s when a young man goes to pee in various restrooms all over Manhattan. I don't know what the publisher is doing, it's been over a year and still they're delaying it. Publish it you morons, or I'll pee on you next!
Today, the degradation of the inner life is symbolized by the fact that the only place sacred from interruption is the private toilet.
~Lewis Mumford
I'm so glad you found the Tiffany's bathroom! Was there music playing in there?
OMG, Washington Square...no privacy, as is the same in my recollection of the ladies' room. And, I know you warned us, but I kept on eating my lunch of chili...never again!
The bathroom shot at Tiffany's would have worked better with some nice diamond earrings! The other one was not my scene....Don't really like talkin shit....while i'm takin one! Great reporting Job Dude! I feel like i'm beginning to know NYC!
@Mykola Mick Dementiuk: Can't wait for that book, it sounds like a real pisser!
@GENE: Great quote, but it's obvious that Lewis had never visited the bathrooms at Washington Square Park!
@Goggla: No music was playing, but that was fine, that's a great bathroom to know about in midtown if you're ever caught short! Thanks again for the tip and I'm so sorry you had chili for lunch!
@Professor Dungpie: If I hit the Mega Millions I'll fly you here and we'll both do the diamond earrings shot!
Just discovered your blog this week and I'm loving it! Every day is a new look at NYC! This bathroom post is both hilarious and great information and I love the Beatles reference in the title! I wonder who else got that besides me? Keep up the good work!
Glad you had the chance of walking in my footsteps as it were at the Washington Square Park toilet.Thanks for the pictures, now I can see that it hasn't got any better from the last time I was in there!
Watch the video of John Lennon walking into the very same Tiffany' store during the filming of Mind Games,,,he probably pissed in there,,,,,,http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dHUfy_YBps
Sorry to go so far off topic today, but I just heard Canadian actor Jonathan Frid died today. On your last toilet post, you featured a public toilet that looked like it might have been the tomb of Barnabas Collins, designed by Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. Check your e-mail Marty, I sent you a cartoon in honor of this sad occasion...
the second bathroom? made me throw up - in my mouth. YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!
Not to brag or anything, but I've set a record about commenting on toilet blog posts today. Two count 'em two blog comments on two separate blogs extolling the virtues of toilets. Check over at Scouting New York for another take on the "urban" toilet scene.
@Beatle Bob: Glad you got that Beatles reference, I bet Al got it too!
@Alan Simpson: They probably haven't cleaned it since you've been there!
@Al: I've never seen that video! Cool shots in Central Park and the Tiffany's scene is perfect for today's post, thanks for the link!
@Jaws: Just posted it Jaws, thanks!
@meleah: It had the same effect on me! A real vomitorium!
@randall: Just looked at it, too funny! You are the king of all toilet commentators!
Sheesh. You would think Tiffany's would have ice in the urinals. You know, class up the joint. See what happens when you name your store after a stripper?
Uh...that Washington Square Park toilet was nasty. I'll bet it gets pretty stinky in the summer. You could have a smell-off between it and the train station! Speaking of Washington Square, my hotel raised their damn rates! Anyone know of any not-arm-and-a-leg-expensive digs between let's say Broome and 23rd, 7th and Bowery? Much obliged.
@Biff: Try "The Gershwin Hotel"?
Party With Marty! I love it!
Wow the Tiffany's bathrooms are quite amazingly clean and ugh..people were so right about Wash. Park.
Speaking of Washingtom Park, I have a funny story anout it...well kind of funny anyway. So I was on a college trip trip to NYC with a Fashion Merchandising class I was in at college. So we were walking through the park and I felt a pinch on my bottom. I looked around and all I saw was a blind man seated on a bench. So this guy is pretending to be blind just to pinch gals' bottoms....only in New York.
Washington Square "no stall" toilets - yuk. My worst toilet experience was squatting over an open pit, in darkness, after a few Primus beers, at the Stop Bar in Ruhengeri, Rwanda. I was very worried about falling in. Despite its squalid aspects, I love this series, Marty, & will be sending you some recs. Brave reporter!
Marty, That Washington Square bathroom is one of the worst. I was in their one time and this homeless guy was in the back naked washing his ASS, It smelled like Death. I almost puked.
Great toilet pic from Duncester. I took some shots just like it at the Ancient Roman City of Ephesus in Turkey
@csp: I've always wondered why so many strippers are named Tiffany, could it be about the ice in the urinals? Probably not!
@Biff: Check out csp's suggestion, I think it's close by where I live.
@Tiki Bar Susie: I need top get a blind cane! Great story! And thanks for sending in the "Party With Marty" album cover!
@onemorefoldedsunset: Wow, that is one scary toilet story! I'll be checking my email!
@Danny the Freelancer: I lucked out as no one was washing their ass in there when I went in, but there were some scary folks in there! I'll post your photos tomorrow, thanks!
Oh I should take pics of some paid toilets here in France. You pay 1 Euro to get in & some are big that if your with a group all can get in & it is made that way, Family plan, & I was surprised that they are very clean, well this one was. Then when I left it & door closed & it made an odd sound of water & I asked, because it sounded like the toilet I flushed was over flowing, but I was told no & was shown a red light at door which means you can't go in until the floor is clean, it had automatic floor cleaning which shoots water at the floor, & maybe other things like sink, no wonder why it was so clean & I wanted to go back in & wait for it to happen again to shoot video, but was told there are many censors & that can't happen, but was told that sometimes door malfunctions & you can't get out, so that is why some didn't go in until we came out. The Big Train station here also has clean toilets, but also need to pay, & it's really a tip to the woman thats in the front whom keeps it clean, she is called something, but forgot, I will ask Zioum Zioum later, she's working right now.
@JHwang: Sounds like a decent pay toilet! Send in a photo when you get a chance!
Thanks, csp! It's on my list, although I'm starting to realize I should've visited in February, when the rates were half-price. Oh well, you only live once! Unless you're Shirley Maclaine. Or a cat.