The Bronx Zoo
Today we’re off to the Bronx. The Bronx Zoo to be specific! It’s the oldest zoo in the country and I checked their website and they’re open all year long. I’ve never been there because it’s a bit of a trip, but that’s what this blog is all about! So let’s go tripping to the Bronx Zoo, the animals will love it if we do!
And down to the subway we go.
And through the miracle of the internet you're spared close to an hour ride to the Bronx. But, from what I've seen online about the Bronx Zoo, it'll be worth the trip. Here's a shot of the Bronx from the subway platform. Let's go hit the street!
The zoo is straight ahead, from what I read online, it's just four blocks from the subway station.
And here we are, the Bronx Zoo! Can't wait to see all the animals and attractions in here!
Here's the map, but I'm terrible with maps...
So let's just hoof it down the trail and see what we find. Wednesday's you can pay whatever you want to get in and the person at the box office suggested a special $9.95 ticket that gives you access to everything. I could've been an asshole and just paid a buck, but ten bucks to see everything is a pretty good deal. I don't mind contributing to help the zoo out.
Look, the first animal of the day! Some kind of exotic bird roaming around on his own, cool!
Okay, here we go, Wild Asia...I went to a massage parlor once with that name, but that's a whole different story for another day! There's a monorail down here and a "Jungle World" exhibit, let's check it out!
Huh...doesn't look too wild to me. In fact it's kind of depressing.
No wonder, it's fucking closed. No happy ending at this Wild Asia. Oh well, let's go check out the other exhibits.
Duly noted. The butterfly exhibit wasn't high on my list of priorities, but it still kind of sucks that the first two exhibits are closed.
Jesus fucking Christ on broken crutches! Is anything open in this fucking place? I'm starting to feel like Clark Griswold at Wally World!
And there's that fucking bird again. Is he the only goddamned animal in this fucking dump?
So far the only thing open on my trip is this: The Mouse House. Mice on display at a zoo? You've got to fucking be kidding me! If I wanted to see mice, I could've just stayed home and put out a block of Velveeta on the floor.
FUCK YOU!
Of course it is...the only thing open is that goddamned House of Rodents!
Oh, now you tell me! Hey Bronx Zoo, maybe you should move that to the fucking entrance so people don't get conned into paying ten bucks to see some shithole exhibit that would only interest some asshole who works for Orkin Pest Control! Motherfucker, what a horrible day this turned out to be!
At least the Cafe's open, I am starving...I could really use a beer or seven, but the way my luck's gone today, I don't have high hopes.
It kind of looks like a movie concession stand. I'd say the odds of getting a beer in here are somewhere between few and far between. Oh well, I see they have pizza, let's go order. It'll beat looking at mice.
Holy shitballs, look at what this angel of mercy has in her hands...a 16 ounce bottle of Budweiser! Maybe the day isn't totally shot after all!
These nice people were next to me in line and got a kick out of the fact I was so excited about the beer. They're in town from Gainesville, Florida and were in town for the Westminster Dog Show.
Here's the dining area, the most people I've seen all day. Nice to know I'm not the only one that got suckered at the front gate.
Ah, pizza and beer, things are definitely looking better!
Okay, five beers later, the pizza is gone and the laptop is out. I always love to see monkeys at the zoo, so let's find some on the internet...hey, how'd that get on my screen?
Whoops, wrong Monkees...
There we go, the day wasn't a total loss after all! Okay, I'm going to get another beer, see you tomorrow!
Further Reading: Bronx Zoo, New York Magazine and Lonely Planet.
Surprise link, click on it...I dare you!
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P.S. A Note About Commenting
A few people have had trouble commenting. Two things: If a captcha comes up and you have to type in letters, that means the hosting site thinks you're spam for some reason and it will go up as soon as I release it. I'm trying to get them to stop doing this. Once in a blue moon a comment just won't show up, it'll say at the bottom of the post, "Unable to post." This is a bug that happens once in a while. If this happens, the best thing to do is to clear your cache and/or restart your computer, it should go through fine then. Hopefully you won't have any problems and I appreciate the comments, it really adds a fun dimension to the blog!
Beer, Bronx Zoo, Mice, That Fucking Bird Posted on Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 10:31AM 
Reader Comments (54)
Thanks for the laughs. I just watched a little of the Monkees movie the other morning while I was getting ready for WORK! Co-written by Jack Nicholson ... On acid. Love the peacock and the crutch reference.
@Dorothy: Glad you got some chuckles out of this, thanks for tuning in! Head was a great movie, I need to watch it again soon. And you said that four letter word...WORK! Aaaahhh!
Wow! This zoo looks amazing. Thanks for taking the time out and sharing with us this interesting post. I like the way you write and I am hoping the same cool works from you in the future.
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